


Severe Tornado Warning

by Shlomo



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Awkwardness, F/M, Interspecies Awkwardness, Interspecies Romance, Interspecies Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-06-09 20:56:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6923053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shlomo/pseuds/Shlomo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A severe tornado warning keeps Sharla, Judy Hopp's childhood friend, in (Officer) William Wolford's basement apartment longer than expected. Their NSA arrangement usually doesn't involve awkward conversations or, well, feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Shower and the Warning

**Author's Note:**

> hope you like this, kiddos

Bill Wolford looked at his cell phone and groaned internally. A severe tornado watch. Now. God. He glanced over to the bathroom door in his studio apartment and sighed. He could still hear the shower running. Wasn’t it dangerous to take showers during a tornado? No, that was lightning strikes. Still, though. 

He debated knocking on the door and interrupting her shower. That seemed...well, it seemed inappropriate. 

He sat down on his dirty futon and frowned slightly at the phone. At least he lived in a basement. Another text from the Emergency Weather Service flashed on his phone, shortly followed by one from Bogo. Off-duty officers were supposed to seek shelter but stay alert in case they needed to come in for emergency search-and-rescue. Great.

The shower finally stopped. He stood up and walked to the bathroom door and hesitatingly knocked on it.

"Um...Sharla?" he asked, tentatively.

"Oh, um, hold on," Sharla responded, sounding surprised. 

They usually didn't talk much after they both, well, finished. Sharla would get up, shower, get dressed in the bathroom, and then simply wave goodbye at Bill as she sauntered out the front door. Sometimes she said "see ya later, Wolford," but that was it. He usually just stayed lying on his futon, naked, playing Angry Meerkats and just gave her a nod. 

It was all they wanted - they "met" on Craigslist, in the _Predator (m) Seeking Prey (f) For Casual Encounters_ boards. It had been Bill's first time sleeping with a historically preyed-upon animal, and his first time sleeping with a stranger. When he had found out she was a sheep he had been...well. It had seemed so much more dirty, so much more wrong, knowing that thousands of years ago wolves literally hunted sheep. He had been so excited when she had first sent him that picture of her, looking so sweet and innocent and all black poofy hair, and…and the first time had been great. Unbelievable, really. 

He had gotten the impression that she had done this sort of thing before, but she had never really told him one way or another. She was extremely quiet before and after (less so, during). Once, after a particularly bad day at work when he was feeling exceptionally lonely, he had asked her to stay afterwards and have a drink with him. The look she had given him - confusion mixed with a slight sense of foreboding and fear - made him blush just by remembering it. And now this. 

Sharla opened the door, a fluffy white towel wrapped around her body. She brought her own towels. Her own shampoo, too. Everything was neatly packed in a small black bag that she took and brought with her. He thought she didn't like him to see her naked afterwards, she always hurried to the shower and changed in the bathroom. He realized he was still naked and blushed. 

"Yes?" Sharla asked, this time a bit more sharply.

"Um," Bill said, blushing again, "I just wanted to let you know, there's, um, a severe tornado watch. People are supposed to go into a basement and, you know, not leave."

"What?" Sharla asked again. She picked up her cell phone that was lying on the counter next to the sink. "Oh, God.... thanks for telling me, I'll just throw on some clothes and hurry home--"

A large gale of wind suddenly crashed against the one extremely small window near the top of Bill's basement apartment. A loud crash quickly followed; sounding like something very large had just careened into Bill's apartment building. 

"I really think you should stay here for a while, Sharla," Bill said, turning back around from glancing worriedly at the window to look at Sharla. She looked terrified. Oh. "Are you..."

"I'm just a little frightened of loud noises, that's all," Sharla said shortly. "Um. OK. I'll um... Let me get dressed."

"Oh, right," Bill said, glancing down at himself. "I'll um, do that, too."

\---

Bill had pushed the futon back up into the couch position and tried to pick up the place when Sharla was dressing. He felt... well, he felt stupid. He lived in a little shithole, which wasn't really a problem when Sharla was just coming over to get pounded but now... He suddenly felt acutely aware of his lack of vegetables in the fridge, the fact that he ate off of paper plates, and the thick layer of dust which seemed to cover everything. He threw on an old t-shirt (was it dirty? He smelled it to try and ascertain if he had laundered it recently, couldn't really tell, shrugged, and put it on anyway) and some sweatpants.

After a few minutes Sharla came out looking like, well, Sharla. A pinkish pencil skirt, a cream-colored blouse, oversized gold glasses. She always looked so professional. She gave him an anxious smile and sat down tentatively on the futon next to him. 

Bill looked at her for a moment, feeling stupid. 

"Do you want a beer?" he asked at last. He shouldn’t get drunk as he could get called in, but a beer every two or three hours or so would be fine.

Sharla laughed and - when another gust of wind shook the windows - jumped a bit, and then nodded. 

"Yes, please. Anything to make this less awkward."

Bill grinned and stood up and grabbed two beers from the fridge. He opened one and handed it to her, taking a large swig of his own. 

"This is pretty alcoholic," Sharla noted, taking a small sip. 

"Yeah, predator-style," Bill said, smiling at her. 

"Well, I like predators..." Sharla said, taking another sip.

"That you do," Bill said, an image of Sharla moaning running through his head. He took another sip of his beer. 

"So, what do you do?" Sharla asked, tucking her feet up under her and adjusting her glasses slightly.

"Oh, I'm a police officer," Bill said airily, leaning back. "I work the downtown district. I want to move to Homicide though."

Sharla nodded. 

"And you?" Bill asked, taking another sip of his beer. 

"I'm a robotics engineer with ZASA," Sharla said, shrugging slightly.

Bill choked on his beer. 

"Are you okay?" Sharla said, frowning slightly as she watched him desperately cough. 

"You're a rocket scientist?" Bill finally managed to cough. "An honest-to-God rocket scientist?"

"No," Sharla said, still frowning at him. "I work on the robots which explore Mars, not the rockets that get them there."

"Holy shit," Bill said. "Holy _shit. I've slept with a rocket scientist,_ " he squeaked, looking thrilled.

"I'm _not_ a rocket scientist," Sharla said, looking annoyed. "I'm an engineer of robotics." 

A large clatter shook the building and Sharla jumped and screeched a little bit. Bill gazed at her and started laughing again. 

"You're a rocket scientist --" he wheezed out "--who is afraid of _loud noises_?"

"I'm _not_ a rocket scientist!" Sharla hissed. "Besides, _you're_ a police officer living in an apartment that looks like a crime scene. What is all that _blood_ doing in your kitchen?"

"It's ketchup," Bill said, still giggling.

"Why is it all over the place?" Sharla asked, sounding disgusted. 

"Because I'm a disgusting bachelor who has almost anonymous sex with very, very, very naughty sheep scientists," Bill replied. Sharla gave him a small smile at that, rolled her eyes, and took another sip of her beer. 

"So I'm the most impressive person you've ever laid, huh?" she asked, leaning back. 

"Oh yeah, by far," Bill replied, smiling. "A rocket scientist. Wow. I love space."

"Oh yeah?" Sharla said, looking at him quizzically. "You love space?"

"Yeah," Bill said, "When I was a kid I wanted to be an astronaut."

"Me too!" Sharla said, a wide grin breaking out over her face.

"Well, you got closer to your goals than me," Bill said, smiling again. "Although I kind of wanted to be space cop or a space fighter like in Star Trek. Or Star Wars. Just running around getting into fights."

"You like Star Wars?" Sharla said, sounding surprised. "And Star Trek?"

"Yeah, of course. Why is that so surprising?"

"I just figured you were a...well," Sharla broke off looking slightly embarrassed.

"A what?"

"You know," Sharla said, shrugging slightly and nervously adjusting her glasses. "A bro. Like...like a jock. Someone who goes to football games and howls a lot."

"Well, I _do_ do that at football games," Bill confessed, smirking at her slightly. He hesitated for a moment. "Were...were most of the other preds on the pred/prey board you've been involved with been like that? Stupid bros?" 

"Oh," Sharla said, looking embarrassed. "No, you're the...um...the first."

"I am?" Bill said, sounding surprised. Sharla had seemed so confident and she had...well, she had known what she was doing. It had been kind of astonishing, to tell the truth.

"You've done this a lot, though, right?" Sharla continued, tilting her head and smiling at him.

"What?" Bill said, genuinely surprised. "Nope. You're the...the first prey I've been with."

"Oh," Sharla said, looking embarrassed. 

The two of them looked at their beer bottles in their hands for a while when they both spoke at once.

"I just though because you know, you were so--"

"You just seemed to know so much about how to make prey--"

They both stopped and looked uncomfortably at each other for a moment.

Sharla smiled. 

"I read a lot of message boards and--"

"Watched a lot of porn?" Bill finished, smiling. 

Sharla grinned at him and nodded. 

"Yeah. I've been thinking about doing this since I was...like thirteen maybe?"

"Wow," Bill said.

"Do you think that's too young?" Sharla asked, suddenly sounding anxious. "Do you think it's like, weird?"

"No, no," Bill said quickly. "It's really, really...hot, actually."

"When did you start thinking about it?" Sharla asked, giving Bill that inquisitive look again.

"Oh...a guy in my department was getting married. A fox. To a rabbit. At the bacherlor party they had these prey strippers come in and people made all these comments about it which kind of got me thinking about it..."

Sharla was looking at him, horrified. 

"What?" Bill asked. "Are you opposed to strippers? Or bachelor parties? Nothing happened, the strippers even kept on bikinis to be honest, it was pretty tame..."

"You're not talking about Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde are you?" Sharla said at last. 

Bill froze.

"Yes," he said. "Do you know them?"

"Ugh!" Sharla said, making a face and taking a drink. "I grew up with Judy! She was one of my best friends." She shuddered. "I don't want to think about her in conjunction with how you started...lusting after prey!"

"Well, _Hopps_ wasn't one of the strippers--"

"Ugh, stop!" Sharla protested, giggling. "This is so weird."

Another crash came down and Sharla winced. 

"Um," she said. "Can I maybe..."

"Mmm?" Bill asked, trying to banish very insidious thoughts of sleeping with Sharla and Judy at the same time from his head. 

"Sit a bit closer to you? I'm a little..." Another gale shook the windows and Sharla shuddered. 

"Oh," Bill said, "of course." He hesitated for a moment, and then carefully put his arm around her and pulled her closer to him. She rested her head on his shoulder. 

"That better, Miss Scientist?" he asked, patting the fluffy hair on her head. 

"Much better," Sharla said, breathing in heavily and sighing slowly. "You smell nice." 

Bill swallowed heavily. This was...well...this was...kind of...well, nice. How much longer until the tornado warning ended? A part of him wanted it to be over now so he could kick Sharla out and collect himself, another part of him wanted it to last for days and days.

"So, um," he said after a moment, grasping at straws for anything to ask her about. "Do you, um, have any brothers or sisters?"


	2. The Surprise and the Plan

"I have a brother," Sharla answered, her head still on Bill's shoulder. Well, slightly below his shoulder. Somewhere in the upper-chest-shoulder vicinity. His arm was still around her, and his left hand was slowly drawing circles on her left arm. It felt really nice, Sharla admitted. Really, really nice. She had thought that the size difference would have made something like this, just sitting together, more awkward. But it actually felt relatively natural. Sharla rarely felt natural - she was lovingly referred to as "a pile of nerves" by her parents.

"I live with him," Sharla continued, clearing her throat and wishing she sounded less...well, less sheep-like. Less tentative, less afraid. "That's why, you know, we can't really meet at my place."

Bill's circling on her arm stopped momentarily.

"That's why?" He asked, sounding surprised. "Because your brother is your roommate?"

"Yes," Sharla said, glancing up at him. "Is that strange?"

"I thought you just didn't want to be seen with a wolf going into your apartment," Bill said, still sounding surprised. 

"Oh," Sharla said, "Well, I'm not really close with the neighbors, so I don't really care about that." She paused for a minute. "He's going away on business next week so if you...well, if you wanted to meet up then, we could meet at my place."

Bill was silent for a moment, and Sharla felt like she had crossed a line. She had heard that men looking for casual relationships were sometimes against going to the girl's house, wanting to stay as close to their creature comforts as possible. 

"That would be nice," Bill said, now slipping his hand to her waist.

"Do you have any siblings?" Sharla asked, noticing her heart starting to beat faster.

"A sister. She's an alderman in the Meadowlands."

Sharla sat up and stared at him.

"Not Nancy Wolford?"

"Yeah, her," Bill said nodding. 

"Really? Wow," Sharla said, sitting back against Bill. "She's really impressive, right? She led that march for paid family leave and organized that boycott of Wal-Marmot for their anti-gay policies, right?"

"Yep," Bill said. "Very political, my whole family."

"Yeah?"

"My dad worked for the carpenter's union and my mom was always on the school-board, so sort of grassroots stuff but yeah, we were raised to be kind of progressive and radical. We went to protests, grew food at a commune, stuff like that, growing up."

"Huh," Sharla said, thinking. Bill didn't seem like...well, she wouldn't have guessed that he would have been involved in politics. Or sustainable gardening, for that matter. "Are you still...?"

"Well, I vote," Bill laughed after a moment. "And I go to some protests, I guess, but less now that I'm with the ZPD. It can get a little complicated when the police show up at those protests. But I'm one of the union rep for our precinct and I'm helping to organize a committee for LGBT police officers to get some of the same medical benefits. But that's not very...I mean, compared to my sister and my parents I'm extremely uninvolved."

Sharla didn't say anything for a moment. This was all very surprising to her. 

"I bet you're surprised," Bill said, sounding like he was smiling. "You thought I was a dumb jock, right?"

"Well, look at your apartment," Sharla protested, when another loud crash rang through the apartment. She jumped.

"You're okay, you're okay," Bill whispered in her ear, drawing her closer to him.

Sharla leaned her head against his chest and inhaled again slowly. He smelled really, really good. 

This was all very troubling. She tried to push the troubled feeling down, but it bubbled up again. What was going on? She thought, she was pretty sure, she had read that most canines didn't really go for having sex multiple times in quick succession. And they had just finished...well, about an hour ago. So maybe he _was_ just trying to sleep with her again. That would make sense, at least. But he didn't seem to be progressing much, not in the way most of the men she had gone from cuddling-to-sex had. Honestly, he was a slowpoke compared to them. And it's not as if they cuddled before sex normally. This was all very troubling, very concerning. It almost seemed like...well, it almost seemed like he was perfectly content to just sit here with her, be close to her, and not to expect anything else from her. Very troubling. I mean, even the first time had been pretty...well, she had walked in and they had pretty much started immediately. 

"Do you remember our first time?" Sharla blurted out, then blushed. Why had she said that? She had been thinking about it, comparing it to now. But Bill would probably think she was being, well, all weird and sentimental. Damn.

"Oh yeah," Bill said, his hand now starting to draw figure eights on her waist on top of her blouse.

"Do you think about it?" Sharla asked. 

"Yep," Bill said, his voice getting slightly deeper. "All the time. I think about that moment, when you first came in, and told me, all shy, that there was something you should have told me beforehand, your little secret...and then you just slipped off your dress and...wow."

"I was nervous about it," Sharla said quietly.

"Me too!" Bill exclaimed. "I thought you had a penis."

Sharla looked at him.

"What?" She squeaked, "Why?"

"I dunno, because you came in, this sheep off the internet, and then gets all cagey about having a secret and then dramatically taking off her dress? What else was I supposed to think?"

Sharla was quiet for a minute.

"What would you have done if I did have a penis?"

"Oh, I still would have fucked you."

Sharla giggled. 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah - look, I really wanted to fuck you, Sharla, I had been waiting weeks and weeks. From our email exchanges, from getting that picture of you...I prefer pussy, but a penis definitely would not have been a deal breaker."

"Have you slept with a man before?" Sharla asked, sounding surprised. 

"No, I've slept with a woman with a penis before," Bill said, tapping her on the nose gently. "A trans woman."

"Really," Sharla said, "huh." 

"Yes. I am full of surprises."

\--

Sharla had been extremely nervous that day. Nervous and excited. She had realized as she had been getting ready that she hadn't exactly told Bill about her...well, some of her unusual affectations. She wondered if he would be horrified. That happened, sometimes. There was that sheep accountant. He had spit on her and called her a whore. That had been...unexpected. She had thought he was playing a bit, and she had gone along with it, and by the time she realized he had been serious he was gone and Sharla was lying on her bed feeling nonplussed and extremely embarressed. Biting her lip, she sat down on her bed and looked at her hooves. What to do. She could message him right now and let him know? No, that seemed weird. 

Well, she told herself, standing up. I guess maybe I'll lead with it. Then if it's a problem I can make a quick escape before he lays a hand on me.

She had put on a peach-colored slip with nothing underneath and thrown on a trench coat over that. A trench coat. Heh heh, she thought to herself. That was the stereotype, right? To wear just lingerie or nothing at all underneath a trench coat when meeting someone for a particularly cliched sexual experience?

Steeling her nerves, she had walked out of her apartment and into the street, her head held high. It was freezing out, and every time a breeze went by she felt extremely naked and blushed slightly. 

\--

Bill had opened the door for Sharla, who had walked into his shitty little apartment looking, well, perfect. She had been wearing a trench coat, her glasses had fogged up slightly when she walked into the hot apartment after being in the cold -- very, very cute -- and her hair had been frizzled by the snow which had been gently falling outside. She looked very much like a sheep.

"Bill," Sharla had said, her voice sounding nervous - she sounded like a sheep too, God, Bill was already loving this, "I suppose there is something I should have told you before agreeing to meet."

She had stepped away from him and slowly let her trench coat fall to the floor. She had been wearing a pinkish slip.

"Some, well, some guys don't really like this, but, um. You know. This is what you get," she said, pushing down the spaghetti straps of her slip and pushing it down so it lay crumbled at her feet. It was at this point Bill thought she might be trans.

Light glinted off the small diamond-looking gemstones in her nipple rings. Her breasts were small, making the small silver hoops which pierced each nipple look larger by comparison. Another glint of light farther south and Bill, not being able to help himself, let out a low moan.

"Oh," Sharla said, smiling at him coyly and stepping out of her slip and trench coat and kicking them away, "you like that, do you?"

"Holy... Fuck..." Bill had groaned, panting slightly. "Jesus, that is really...really...hot, Sharla."

Sharla had smiled at him again, and then walked over to the futon. She carefully took off her glasses -- Bill wished she would keep them on, but he was too busy salivating at the moment to say anything coherent -- and placed them carefully on the bookshelf near his futon. Then she had sat down, spread her legs far apart - he could see her peircing peeking out at him - and placed her hands on either side of me.

"Well then, come and get me, Mr. Wolf," she had said.

\---

"You're full of surprises, too, though," Bill said, reaching down the front of her shirt and tugging gently on one of her rings. Sharla gasped. "It was very surprising. You don't look like the kind of girl who would go into intense body piercings."

"I'm glad you don't mind," Sharla said, uncomfortably aware of how soft and deep her voice sounded. She couldn't help it though, Bill kept touching her so gently, and being so nice, and now this...

"I love it," Bill whispered. Sharla gulped. He hesitated a moment, "I've heard," he started, sounding a bit embarrassed, "that you can, um,"

"Get orgasms just by walking around with the piercing down there?" Sharla finished. "Sometimes. I usually don't."

"Oh my god, do you cum when you are being a rocket scientist?!" Bill said, suddenly sounding thrilled. "At work? Has it happened? Oh god, please say yes. But tell the truth. Don't lie. Also, do you wear a white lab coat at work?"

Sharla burst out laughing. 

"I sometimes wear a lab coat if I'm in the lab, and it has happened at work before, yes," she said. Bill looked eagerly at her. 

"Yes, it happened once in the lab, I was wearing the coat."

"Oh my god, can you wear it next time?"

"The lab coat?" 

"Yes! The lab coat, the glasses, nothing else. Whisper scientific facts into my ear when we're fucking."

Sharla burst out laughing again. Bill was grinning at her, looking at expectantly, this was...this was definitely very pleasant.

"I'm still writing my dissertation, I could read you a draft while you--"

"Ohmygod, I know you're kidding, but I am definitely way into that. Anything scientist-y," Bill said, turning to look at her, grinning. "Yes, anything. Oh my god, you're getting me all riled up just talking about it."

Sharla looked at him, cocking an eyebrow.

"One more thing before we start," Bill said, starting to unbutton her blouse -- pausing at her breasts to tug on her piercings a bit, making Sharla gasp -- "Do you have one of those pass cards on a lanyard to get into ZASA? Like a key card?"

"You want me to wear that too?"

"Yes, a requirement. ZASA lanyard, lab coat, glasses, whispering scientific facts into my ear. Can you do that for me? Next week. Your place. Can you do that for me?"

"I'm your prey, aren't I?" Sharla asked, teasing as Bill slipped off her blouse and took off his tee-shirt. Oh god, she loved seeing him without a shirt on. His hair was shaggy and he looked so...masculine. "You can have me do whatever you want."

Bill grinned slowly at her and flipped her around and started taking off her skirt.

On the dirty coffee table, Bill's cell phone buzzed. A text from Bogo flashed across the screen. It said the tornado warning had been downgraded to a severe weather event warning, and that the high winds would likely stop within a half an hour, and all mammals were free to carefully go outside.

Neither Sharla nor Bill noticed the text.


	3. The Conversation and the Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill and Sharla send some chat messages to each other while at work, and then Bill is called into a meeting with Clawhauser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to post any comments, constructive or happy! 
> 
> this will now be five chapters because I love these two nerds so much.
> 
> this had a copy-paste error at first because I tried to do emojis and like Ao3 thought I was trying to code. Sorry, guys. This should be better, now.

Monday morning, 11:34am

Via Zoogle chat platform, zchat

Sharla: Bill? 

Bill: oh, hi. What's up? 

Sharla: not much, I guess... I wanted you to know I well, came. Just now. In the lab, wearing the coat. I was running tests on what happens to this new titanium alloy at low temperatures. 

*Pause* 

Sharla: um, I'm sorry if that was you know... Too much 

*Pause*

Monday morning, 11:55am

Bill: that's the fucking hottest thing I've ever heard. Sorry, my boss walked in for a moment. Tell me everything. 

Sharla: what do you mean? What's everything? 

Bill: what position were you in, was there anyone else in the room...

Sharla: sitting, kind of, um, tightening my thighs, one of my coworkers Shawn was there...

Bill: God... I bet everyone at your office just is aching to bend you over your desk and fuck the shit out of you

Bill: I bet they are just gagging for it 

Sharla: !!! I don't think so...!!!

Bill: with you cumming in the corner and trying to hide it? And your little face? 

Sharla: my little face?? What does that mean? No, I'm not the hot one in the office there's another engineer, an ocelot, all the guys drool over. I hear them talking about it sometimes....

Bill: you have the cutest little face... Will you tell me what you're wearing? 

Sharla: only if you tell me what you're wearing after 

Bill: deal. I might be away from my phone at times tho, I'm doing mostly office work today but might have to run some interviews later 

Bill: don't think I'm like weirded out if I don't respond 

Sharla: I'm wearing black pants, a blue blouse, gold necklace with a little clover on it

Bill: very nice... What else? 

Sharla: a black lace bra, black panties 

Bill: Mmm... Are your panties nice and wet? 

Sharla: I'll only tell you once you tell me what your wearing. And if this conversation is, you know, turning you on...

Bill: Mmm...yes, it is, very very much...I'll need to think of unsexy things if I need to stand up or face anyone... I'm wearing my police uniform, a white tank top underneath, and black boxer briefs...

Bill: so, now, miss Sharla, I think you owe me a report on the status of your panties 

Sharla: they're pretty wet. It's pretty uncomfortable to tell you the truth, and this conversation is not helping anything 

Bill: Mmm...

Sharla: so who's the hot girl at your office? It's Judy isn't it? 

Bill: ...maybe 

Sharla: I knew it! 

Sharla: do you ever think about her? 

Bill: I thought this made you uncomfortable talking about Judy like that. And I don't, you know, want to make you feel jealous...

Sharla: jealous! Do you think I'm some stupid girl? 

Bill: no... But 

Sharla: but what?!!

Bill: :-/ I don't think you think you're very cute. Some of the things you've said...

Sharla: I'm not that cute it's ok tho 

Bill: Grr... 

Sharla: I was going to tell you about a fantasy I had with you and Judy in it and I thought it would be fun but you had to go get all girly on me 

Sharla: talking about your emotions 

Bill: u can tell me about your three some fantasy, I'm into it. Altho if Nick finds out he'll kill me

Sharla: only if you don't tell me I'm cute or pretty afterwards. Hot is ok 

Bill: ok u hideously ugly hot creature 

Sharla: ughhh I dunno if I want to now 

Bill: is it because I called u ugly, I was kidding 

Sharla: no! It's because... I dunno, it's embarrassing 

Bill: I'll tell you something equally embaressing 

Sharla: ok...well, I sort of imagine the two of us kind of fighting over your dick, and well, it's very clear you kind of, like, prefer me to her, you sort of keep pushing her away but she's very insistent..

Sharla: I guess it makes me feel kind of hot, kind of like.... Powerful. I never was really the "hot" one….

*Pause*

Monday afternoon, 12:34pm

Sharla: ....you there? Ugh, did I get too emotional for you? 

*Pause*

Monday afternoon, 1:01pm

Sharla: I just Zoogled if there was a way to delete previously sent zchats...so clearly I'm not embarrassed at all 

*Pause*

Monday afternoon, 1:23pm

Bill: sorry, got back from an interview...

Bill: you don't have anything to be embarressed about! It's hot!!

Sharla: ...yeah? You don't think it's, like, pathetic? 

Bill: no, I think it's pretty normal to want to feel more attractive than other people you know 

Bill: I would, by the way 

Sharla: would what? 

Bill: prefer you. Over Judy 

Sharla: oh... Thanks

Bill: there's just no way her pussy could feel as good on my cock as yours. And you have the sexiest hair. And eyes. And tits. 

Sharla: thanks...

Bill: are you squirming? Do you like it when I tell you how hot you are? 

Sharla: you have to tell me a vaguely embarrassing fantasy first 

Bill: hmmm. I have always fantasized about going down on a girl while at a party, like in a back room or something... That's not very embarrassing tho. Oh, I guess I can tell you about the scientist/teacher thing 

Sharla: teacher thing? 

Bill: yeah, smart intellectual type women really, really turn me on. I have pretty bad ADHD and I never did well at school, but there were a couple of teachers I really loved, and they really couldn't make me behave well. But I wanted them to like me, I had little crushes on them. Some of them did like me, but I also aggravated them at times...

Sharla: that's adorable 

Bill: but as I got older I had all these fantasies of teachers "punishing" me for behaving badly or rewarding me and telling me how good and smart I was.

Bill: it's actually pretty embarrassing telling you this 

Sharla: why??

Bill: eh, you're so smart... I'm kind of the dumb one in the family...

Sharla: oh, I don't think you're dumb... would you like it if I spanked you? For....misbehaving...

Bill: wouldn't you think that's kind of weird? Usually I kind of dominate you...

Sharla: no, I would t think it would be weird 

Bill: I would kind of like that, maybe. If you want 

Sharla: only kind of like it...?

Bill: I'd like it...

Sharla: mmmmmm.... That sounds nice 

Bill: yeah, are you getting turned on? 

Sharla: yeah, I'm not sure how I'm going to last till Thursday... 

Bill: should we see each other earlier? 

Sharla: sure! 

Bill: tonight? 

Sharla: if you want! I have a late meeting so you can come over at 8 and eat dinner at my place or come at 9

Bill: would you cook? 

Sharla: no, I never cook. I'd pick up something...

Bill: ok, how much would I owe you if I come over at 8? 

Sharla: don't worry about it…

Bill: ok, it’s a date

Bill: I mean, the time is set

Bill: Not a date

Sharla: Don’t worry, I gotcha

\----

Monday Evening, 5:15pm

 

“Why do you think we have this sudden meeting?” Delgato muttered to Bill, sliding into the chair next to him.

“Dunno. The memo seemed kind of intense, though….”

“I know, that’s what I’m saying. Have we done anything wrong?”

“Think Wilde annoyed Bogo enough to call a whole meeting?” 

Bill chuckled a bit at that, and looked up at the front of the room where Hopps and Wilde were sitting next to each other, as usual. They were a pretty good couple, Nick and Judy. It was a little…odd that Sharla knew Judy. 

Hmm.

He thought of the two of them naked and fighting over his dick and smirked slightly. Judy was pretty cute. Sharla though… man. 

Bogo walked in a moment later, followed closely by Clawhuaser. Clawhauser? Bill glanced at Delgato who raised an eyebrow at him. Once Clawhauser and Bogo started dating, Clawhauser had been reassigned to Human Resources of the ZPD. At the time, everyone had whispered that he was upset at the move, but in the end he seemed eminently suited for it. Plus, there were almost always free donuts in the office.

“Sir?” Wilde asked in the front row, his paw shooting up in the air. Bogo imperceptibly paused, then nodded at him.

“Is this meeting to announce your engagement to Clawhauser? Because I for one, am thrilled!” Wilde continued while the rest of the precinct tittered approvingly. Bogo glared at him.

“No, we’re not engaged,” Bogo said darkly.

“Devastatingly, that is true,” Clawhauser continued, gently pushing Bogo away from the podium and standing in his place. “I’ve got this, hun. Go sit down.” Another appreciative titter. Bogo rolled his eyes and sat down, looking unhappy, next to Francine.

“Now, as you might be aware, one of the things important to Human Resources is that our employees use their office equipment in an appropriate manner,” Clawhauser began, as Nick’s arm shot up in the air again. Clawhauser sighed, “Yes, Wilde?”

“How can you use office supplies inappropriately?” Wilde began, “Can you please explain to me all the inappropriate uses of a stapler—“

“Mostly technology,” Clawhauser continued dryly. “Office phones, work computers, that sort of thing. We’ve been monitoring all of the employee’s internet usage for the past week, and I was assigned to monitor internet usage of this precinct.”  
Suddenly the room became very, very quiet. You could’ve heard a pin drop. An embarrassed, embarrassed pin. 

“Now, now, don’t look at me like that,” Clawhauser continued, rolling his eyes. “You guys actually are doing much better than most of the other precincts. At least most of you aren’t looking up or chatting about illegal activities during work.” Another pause. “I’ll be meeting with each of you privately to discuss your internet usage. But here’s a tip, ladies and gentlemen: Don’t talk about smoking pot, don’t look at pornography, don’t talk about who “the hottest person in the precinct is” — Bill froze — “don’t have sexy conversations with people online on the work computers, and do not talk about open cases over your personal zchat accounts! It’s not secure.”

Another long pause. Bill felt himself starting to blush, and looked around and was relieved to see everyone else in the room was also blushing or looking embarrassed. Even Hopps was looking very decidedly at her paws. Heh heh. Maybe she was sending naughty selfies to Wilde on the company computer. Hmmm….interesting thought. 

“Well, we can start with the individual interviews now. They won’t take long. Everyone can wait here until their name is called.”

A groan wafted over the station.

“Oh, come on,” Clawhauser said, sounding irritated. “We’ll be done soon. Just gossip with one another. I _know_ you all like to do that, I’ve got the proof.”

Another uncomfortable silence.

“Wolford!” Clawhauser said expansively. “Why don’t I talk with you first?” 

Bill gave Clawhauser a dirty look and Clawhauser grinned happily at him.

\---

Monday evening, 5:25pm

“OK, so Bill,” Clawhauser said, putting his paws on the table and leaning forward slightly. “You really shouldn’t have sexy chats on your work computer.”

Bill stared at him, trying not to blush. 

“As a representative of HR, I’m telling you you shouldn’t have them while at work. As your friend — yes, your friend, Bill, stop glaring at me like that — I’m telling you you should use your personal cell phone for that sort of thing while at work. It’s harder for us to check it. Understood?”

Bill nodded stiffly.

“Well, that’s out of the way,” Clawhauser said, now starting to grin, “So? Tell me about the girl.”

Bill stared at him.

“Is it the same Sharla that was one of Hopps’s bridesmaids? She seemed to know Judy from the chat.”

Bill blinked.

“I…uh…I couldn’t go to their wedding, remember? My cousin was getting married the same weekend…I just went to the bachelor party…”

“Oh, that’s right…well, how did you meet her then?” Clawhauser asked, cupping his chin in his hand.

“On…on a pred/prey board,” Bill admitted after a moment, feeling embarrassed.

“Uh-huh,” Clawhauser nodded, seeming totally unfazed. “I think you like her.”

“I do,” Bill said, a little irritated, “Wasn’t that obvious?”

“I mean, you _like_ her, like her,” Clawhauser said, smiling. 

“I do not,” Bill said, starting to feel on edge. “It’s a casual thing.”

“Uh-huh,” Clawhauser said, raising an eyebrow. “I think she like-likes you, too.”

“Really?” Bill spluttered out, then stopped. “I mean, no she doesn’t.”

Clawhauser smiled and raised an eyebrow.

“Right,” he said dryly. “The two of you would be cute together in any event. You’re a big nerd, she’s a big nerd.”

“Did you know she was a rocket scientist?” Bill said after a moment. “Isn’t that amazing?”

“Yeah, you _really_ don’t like-like her,” Clawhauser said sarcastically, sighing happily. “This is so cute. Well, off with you. Have fun. Tell me all about it at the Police-LGBTQ-Committee meeting tomorrow. I’ll want all the gory details.”

“I’m not in trouble?” Bill asked, sounding surprised. 

“Bill, your stuff was vanilla compared to some of the other stuff I’ve seen,” Clawhauser said, rolling his eyes. “You guys didn’t even send any pictures.”

Bill stared at him.

“I’ve seen a lot of rough things over the past week,” Clawhauser said heavily. “Now, scoot. Send in McHorn.”


	4. The Kiss and the Email

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sharla and Bill's not-date date goes well and then goes terribly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more chapter of this fic but we should be seeing more of Sharla and Bill in other fics. 
> 
> Feel free to write comments on whatever you want.

Sharla bit her bottom lip while reading the takeout menu for Sika Sushi. Maybe she shouldn’t have invited Bill over for dinner. What did wolves eat? Protein, probably. Did they even like sushi? Maybe she shouldn’t have come to Sika to pick up the food…but she always got Sika on Mondays and she had wandered into the restaurant without even really thinking about it. Plus, she told herself, eating something light like sushi was probably better if she and Bill were going to do all the vigorous physical activity they had chatted about earlier today.

Hmmm. She could get sashimi, but the problem was if he didn’t like raw fish, she couldn’t really eat it. She had eaten fish on a dare from Jaguar once when she was drunk, and it had made her vomit almost immediately. So if she got the sashimi, it would be very obviously something she purchased for him, to ostensibly make him feel better.

She could eat some of the insect rolls, in fact her doctor wanted her to try and eat a few servings of insect protein a week…but was that enough protein for a wolf? Oh, God… She felt herself starting to sweat. 

The deer behind the counter started tapping her hooves impatiently on the countertop. Sharla resisted the urge to roll her eyes. There wasn’t anyone behind her… she could call Jaguar and ask, but then he would know she was seeing someone from The Internet again and she would probably get a talking-to….

“Um, okay,” Sharla finally said, placing her normal order. She hesitated for a minute, staring at the deer. She leaned forward slightly. “What do, um, what do larger canines usually get here?”

The deer raised her eyebrow at Sharla. 

“Getting dinner for two tonight, are we? First time in over a year?” the deer said dryly. “Does this canine like raw fish?”

“I don’t know, it’s, um. New.”

The deer smiled at her and cocked her head to one side slightly. “Fox-sized?”

“…Wolf,” Sharla said, blushing furiously.

“Oh, I _see_ ,” the deer said, writing on the pad in front of her. “How about I get your usual and make up a selection for you that are good for larger predators? I’ll avoid raw fish, though, I know the smell can make us herding animals feel a little sick at times….”

Sharla nodded numbly.

—-

Bill hesitated for a moment before leaving work, pulling out his cell phone.

BILL: do u think I should bring anything to Sharla’s tonight

CLAWHAUSER: protection, lubricant probably

BILL: thanks. i meant like food or something

CLAWHAUSER: what is she picking up??

BILL: i dunno. dinner is all the said.

CLAWHAUSER: wine or flowers

BILL: flowers?

CLAWHAUSER: bogo says to go with the wine

BILL: oh my god

CLAWHAUSER: but he’s kind of a lush so i dunno

BILL: you told Bogo about this?

CLAWHAUSER: yeah, he actually had a pretty long conversation with sharla at the wedding

CLAWHAUSER: he thinks its a good match

CLAWHAUSER: oh i wasn’t supposed to tell you that, apparently, now he’s mad at me

BILL: oh my god it gets worse and worse

BILL: well, what did they talk about?

CLAWHAUSER: robots. apparently she made a little robot that can make her toast. for fun. I just asked him “isn’t that just a toaster” and he says no because it gets the bread out of the package itself. also it can butter the toast.

BILL: awwwwww

CLAWHAUSER: you nerd

BILL: ill try and take a selfie with it

 

Bill put his phone away and nodded to himself, smiling. Wine. OK. That was easy. 

 

Ten minutes later Bill was at a wine store near his work staring blankly at bottles of wine. What should he get? What did sheep like? Hell, what did _women_ like? White wine? Wasn’t that the stereotype?

He blankly looked around him for help, considered texting Clawhauser again but didn’t really want his boss knowing any more about his current situation. The owner of a shop, a thin female cheetah wearing copious amounts of black jewelry looked at him expectantly. He had kind of a crush on her, to be honest. She was always pretty cool towards him, though… Hmm. He hadn’t even realized she was there until now, usually he was hyper-aware of her presence the entire time he was in the store. His brow furrowed slightly as he frowned - did this mean he like-liked Sharla? Does being unaware of other attractive females mean you like-like someone? Or maybe he was just laser-focused on choosing the appropriate bottle of wine…

“Can I help you?” the cheetah asked him, making him jump slightly. 

“I’m um. I’m having dinner with a female—a female sheep and I have no idea what to, um. Get.” 

The cheetah smiled at him.

“Well, do you know what you’re having for dinner?”

“Um, no. She’s picking it up somewhere.”

The cheetah smiled at him again, this time more knowingly.

“You look nervous,” she said, rolling her eyes slightly and sauntering over to the cooler where the chilled white wine was stored, “try to look a little more calm and collected on your date, at least. And sheep eat a lot of greens at every meal. This is a pretty nice Sauvignon Blanc, not too expensive but not too cheap, either.” She handed the bottle to him. “You know, so you won’t look like you’re trying to hard, but you won’t look like you’re not trying at all, either.”

Bill stared at the wine for a minute, and then at the cheetah.

“Thanks,” he said, smiling. 

“Oh, anytime,” the cheetah said, happily waving him towards the counter. She leaned in slightly conspiratorially as he handed her his Moustercard. “I’ve been dating an elk for eight months,” she said in a hushed voice. “It was quite the learning curve at first.”

Bill smiled and blushed a little bit.

—-

Shit, Sharla thought as she paid the cab driver and started to awkwardly maneuver out of the car, the takeout bag in one hand and her overstuffed briefcase in the other. Bill was sitting on the stairs in front of the brownstone she lived in near the Herd St. station. 

“Here, let me hold the food…” Bill said, grabbing it and helping her out of the cab, shutting the door behind her. 

“Thanks,” Sharla said breathlessly, adjusting her glasses. “Am I late?”

“No, I’m early,” Bill said.

“Did you bring wine?” Sharla asked, surprised, eyeing the bag beside Bill.

“Um, yes. Is that okay?”

“Sure. You didn’t have to though,” Sharla said, opening the door and letting Bill wander in. She flicked on the lights unconcernedly and walked into the kitchen, setting the takeout down between two very large stacks of paper. 

She saw Bill eyeing the stacks of paper slightly apprehensively. 

“What?” she asked, suddenly embarrassed of how defensive her voice sounded. 

“Nothing,” Bill said quickly, then after looking at her for a minute, smiled slightly. “You have a lot of stacks of paper lying around. Like everywhere. And...” he hesitated for a moment, “they are all exactly the same height.”

“Are they?” Sharla said blankly, casting an eye over the kitchen and the living room, all which was covered in stacks of papers and books. They _were_ all about the same height, she realized with a start. Hmm. She realized she looked like someone who painstakingly measured stacks of paper to equal heights and placed them around her apartment at random, and blushed slightly. 

“Dolores came today,” Sharla said after a moment. “She’s the cleaner. She doesn’t know what to do with all the paper so she just stacks it up. I tell her not to throw anything out…I guess she stacks it up in equal piles…”

“You had a house cleaner come over with all this paper spread out everywhere?” Bill asked, sounding surprised. 

“There’s a method to it,” Sharla said, still sounding a little defensive. “You can compare it to my desk in my bedroom, she’s not allowed to touch that. That’s about how messy the rest of the house is usually, so it’s not so bad.” Bill stared at her. Sharla grabbed some plates and a bottle opener. “Go on,” she said, nodding to a door over to door off to the side of the kitchen with a small framed picture of Jupiter hanging on the door. 

A few seconds later, Bill came back, looking like he was trying not to laugh. Sharla opened the bottle of wine and poured out two glasses.

“Well?” Sharla said, handing Bill a glass. He was keeping a hand behind his back. Hmm. “Not that bad, right? Just a lot of papers spread around with books? In things resembling piles?”

“Here, look, this is a stale croissant I found,” Bill said, giggling and setting down the croissant on the counter next to the unopened cartons of sushi. “You were using it as a bookmark in a book entitled _Robotics, Applications, and Social Implications_. It’s the hardest croissant imaginable.”

Sharla sighed, looking at the croissant, and then grinned at him.

“So? You have ketchup all over your kitchen. Plus you sleep on a futon.”

“I thought you would be tidy!” Bill grinned, taking a sip of his wine. It was pretty good. It tasted like…grass. Alcoholic grass. “You always look tidy.”

“I’m a busy lady,” Sharla said. “I have a personal shopper. Do you like sushi?”

“It’s all right,” Bill said, grinning at her. “Never had the vegetarian sushi, though. What’s a personal shopper?”

“Ah. Well, I just asked the checkout lady to throw whatever she thought a wolf might like so I think there’s probably some insect sushi in there,” Sharla said, picking up the bag and grabbing her wine glass. “A personal shopper is someone who picks out all your clothing and tells you what to wear with what.”

“I had no idea such a thing even existed,” Bill said, noticing that the Sharla was steering him towards the couch, past a table completely covered in papers. 

“Yeah, it’s expensive, but quick,” Sharla said. “I got that slip I wore to see you from her. The first time.”

“Really?” Bill asked, as the two of them sat down. “What did you tell her?”

“Oh, just that I had a date,” Sharla said, suddenly sounding slightly evasive. 

“Oh? Did you say it was for an anonymous hookup with a big, dirty wolf?”

“Nope,” Sharla said, smiling slightly and handing him a box of sushi. “Looks like cockroach and cooked eel,” she said, a little overly brightly. 

“I like cooked eel,” Bill said after a moment, “thanks.”

“I told her I was going to an orgy,” Sharla said after a moment, through a bite of what looked like grass sushi.

Bill looked at her carefully, while swallowing. 

“Yeah?” he asked. 

Sharla wrinkled up her nose and leaned back. 

“I’ve done that, you know,” she said, suddenly sounding heavy. “Sorry. I mean, I kind of lied to you.”

“About what?” asked Bill, feeling completely at sea.

“Well, I said you were the first predator I’ve slept with. And you are, I mean,” Sharla smiled a half-little smile. “You’re the first predator I’ve slept with that I’ve been sure of what kind species you are, or like, without a lot of confusing limbs all over the place.”

Bill set down his wine glass slowly.

“Why are you telling me this?” he said after a moment, frowning.

“I don’t know,” Sharla said after a moment. “I thought you might be mad if I didn’t tell you sooner.”

A pause.

“Have you gone to any since we’ve…?”

Another pause.

“I attended one, but didn’t really fully participate. Right after we started seeing each other. It was safe.”

“What does ‘not fully participating’ mean?” 

“No genital contact. No fluids,” Sharla said, “I couldn’t have gotten an STD. Everyone wears condoms anyway, but still. I had pants on the whole time.”

“Ah,” Bill said, blinking. “Oh. Are those the ones that happen in the total dark in the canal district?” Those, he knew, were large. And they often encouraged people who weren’t interested in actually having sex, but interested in writhing around and touching and kissing lots of people, to participate just to make it seem like a bigger orgy. Things got so intense they didn’t even let mammals under a certain size in, for fear of them getting crushed. 

“Yes, have you been to any?” Sharla asked eagerly.

“No, DEA did a raid there a few years back,” Bill said. He took another sip of his wine.

“Do you think it’s weird?” Sharla asked after a moment. 

“A little,” Bill admitted. “I guess I still don’t totally understand why you brought it up.”

Sharla swung up her small legs onto the couch and placed her chin in her hands. She blinked at him owlishly, and eventually let out a long sigh.

“Some men - even if it’s not, you know, serious, like us, they have kind of freaked out when they found out,” Sharla said. “Like you know, said things. Hurtful things.”

“Things like ‘it is a little weird’?” Bill asked, his heart sinking slightly. He didn’t…well, he didn’t want to hurt her.

“No!” Sharla said, laughing. “Like I’m a filthy disease-ridden whore and if I don’t get out of their apartment they’ll call the cops. More like that.”

“I won’t say that,” Bill said, blinking. “Plus, I am a cop, so you know. I’m already here.”

Sharla laughed. 

“Well, thanks,” she said, and Bill noticed that she looked quite relieved. 

“You didn’t think it was weird with my teacher thing,” Bill said after a moment. “Some girls haven’t…really liked that.”

“You’re kidding,” Sharla said, sounding surprised. “Huh.” She took another sip of wine. “I mean, it takes all sorts, I guess,” she said eventually. “I mean, I’ve got piercings, I go to orgies, you want to be spanked…and now the pred-prey thing.”

Bill looked at her for a moment. God, she was so pretty. Beautiful, even. And something about…well, the orgies was very…not just sexy. Endearing, in a way. There was something about Sharla really taking control of her sex life and then just cleaning up and going to work the next day…it was nice. Amazing, really. Sexy too. 

“How did you go to those orgies before ever doing pred-prey stuff?” Bill asked after a moment. “That seems backward, doesn’t it?”

Sharla rolled her eyes.

“Oh, I did all of sex backwards,” she said.

“Is that a euphemism for anal sex?” Bill cut in immediately.

“Hah-hah,” Sharla said sarcastically.

“No, I was literally asking.”

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Sharla said, laughing slightly. “I mean the first time I had sex it was a drunken hookup with, well, three other people. And then I transitioned pretty quickly to the group sex scene. It’s all very, you know, anonymous over there in the Canal District.”

“Huh,” Bill said. Something about the way Sharla had just phrased that seemed vitally important but he couldn’t think of what it was. He ate some more sushi. Then, the penny dropped. “Wait, have you ever actually dated anyone?”

Sharla wrinkled her nose.

“Not really,” she said eventually. “You have, though, right?”

“Yeah,” Bill said. 

“Was it fun?” 

Bill laughed, surprised.

“Well, they all ended so something went wrong eventually, but yeah, it was fun,” he said, and, endeavoring to keep his voice as casual as possible, added, “do you ever want to date anyone?”

Sharla nodded. 

“Oh yeah, and I’ve had crushes and that sort of thing, so I don’t think I’m one of those people who don’t ever want to be in a relationship, it’s just never really worked out. I’ve been busy, like I said,” Sharla raised an eyebrow at Bill. “You know, I am a rocket scientist. Who is working on finishing her Ph.D.”

Sharla smiled slightly at Bill, and something inside of Bill broke. It might have been the wine, it might have been the Bill finding that stupid stale croissant in that book on Sharla’s table, it might have been Clawhauser’s comments about like-liking Sharla, it might have been due to how adorable Sharla looked in those glasses, but in one moment Bill went to unsure about his feelings to Sharla to extremely, one-hundred percent positive that he really, really, _like_ -liked her.

And without even really thinking about it, he leaned in to kiss her.

And…missed. 

Well, he didn’t really _miss_ —but his forehead bonked hers, his snout was too long for her flat face and, horribly embarrassed, he heard Sharla say “Oh” in a voice that made his heart plummet to the floor. 

And just when he was fearing the worse, that he had made a terrible, terrible mistake, he felt Sharla take his chin in her hands and gently guide his mouth towards her. And she kissed him.

It was very gentle, tentative almost. They broke apart and looked at each other for a moment, Sharla smiling slightly through those big gold glasses and Bill breathing heavily through his mouth. 

“Sharla,” Bill said throatily, leaning in to kiss her again, this time not missing but gloriously learning how to tilt his head and how to purse his lips so it was easier to navigate.

And Sharla kissed back. Their lips parted again and Sharla’s arms were around his neck, pulling him down on top of her on the couch. It was slightly awkward for the two of them to go from sitting side-by-side to lying on top of each other.

“Ouch,” Sharla said when Bill accidentally pressed his hand on her too hard while trying to give her enough room to lay down beneath him.

“Oh, gosh, I’m sorry,” Bill said, feeling like a clod.

“No, it’s okay,” Sharla whispered, smiling up at him. “You’re so nice to me, Bill…you’re…so…kind—“ 

And, unable to stand how softly she was looking at him, how soft her whispers were, he kissed her again. 

They had never kissed on the lips before. That was a big no-no in the pred/prey casual encounters community, he had learned. The fact was prominently highlighted on every message board, every community page, every “Before You Mate FAQ” pages: kissing on the mouth was for pred/prey couples, not hookups. And now here they were.

Bill moved down to kiss Sharla’s neck - at one point playfully nipping her and his heart skipping a beat when he heard her gasp softly and he felt her hands down at his waist fiddling with his belt. 

“Don’t want to wait, do you?” he murmured into her ear, nuzzling her chin and neck.

“Mmmmmm….no,” Sharla whispered, her voice high and breathless. She hesitated for a moment. “Do you — do you want me to wait? More foreplay?”

“No, no, by all means,” Bill said deeply, inhaling and savoring how nice and clean Sharla always smelled. Like grass and soap.

Bill rested on one hand and tried to unbutton one of the pearl buttons on Sharla’s shirt. It was difficult to do with one hand, and he fumbled a bit. He felt Sharla struggling with opening his pants.

“The buttons are backwards on men’s pants,” he whispered to her. Sharla stopped, and looked up at him, embarrassed.

“I’m so sorry I’m being so awkward,” she whispered biting her lower lip.

“Me too,” Bill breathed. Sharla winced. “No, no, I mean I’m being awkward, not that you are awkward. You’re…you’re perfect.”

He saw Sharla blush.

“We’re being awkward because of –“

“The kissing, right?” Sharla finished for him.

“Yeah. We’re fumbling around like teenagers,” Bill said, kissing her on the forehead.

“I’m sorry,” Sharla whispered again.

“Don’t be sorry,” Bill said, “I like you. I like this.”

“What do you like about me?” Sharla asked, now taking his fly button with both hands and, eventually, she got it open. 

“Mmmmm…well--” Bill started.

“Let’s play a game,” Sharla said suddenly, looking up at him, her eyes bright. “Everytime we get a button or an article of clothing off the other one, we have to tell them something we like about them.”  


“You have more buttons than me, though,” Bill teased, finally getting Sharla’s second button undone. 

“OK, I’ll compliment you twice for every button and article of clothing,” Sharla said, now pushing his jeans down around his knees. 

“I like how your voice gets nice and deep when you’re turned on,” Sharla continued, her voice wavering a little bit, “and I like, well, liked, do you remember when I was at your house during the tornado and kept jumping at all the loud noises?”

“Mm-hmm,” Bill said, working arduously on the next button on Sharla’s shirt and feeling…proud, in a way, that Sharla liked how his voice sounded when he got turned on.

“You were really nice to me. Really, you know, made me feel safe. And you didn’t tease me.”

“I did,” Bill said, surprised. “I said it was funny that you were a rocket scientist frightened of loud noises.”

“Yes, but then you stopped. You…comforted me.”

“I’ll comfort you anytime you like,” Bill murmured. “OK. My turn. I like…hmm. I like how independent you are, I like that you’ve been to orgies and gotten pierced and messaged me on that board…and I like the way your eyes look when you smile.”

This continued for some time, the two of them touching each other, unclothing each other, and whispering how much they liked one another, and even though it only seemed like a minute later to Bill, suddenly Sharla was trying to angle her hips to more easily facilitate him entering her.

They usually had sex the traditional way, from behind. This time, Bill wanted to be able to see Sharla’s face. Sharla, it seemed, wanted that too. 

“We should put a pillow under your hips,” Bill whispered. Sharla looked up at him.

“Yeah? Am I doing something wrong?” Sharla asked anxiously. Bill realized with a hammering heart that she probably hadn’t had sex face-to-face often. He guessed it wasn’t something usually done in the Canal District orgies.

“No, no, you’re perfect,” Bill murmured, grabbing one of the pillows and sliding it under her hips. “It just raises you up a little bit, so that I can – holy fuck, you’re _really_ wet, Sharla…”

He liked seeing her face when he entered her. Her eyes opened slightly larger, she tilted her head back slightly and exhaled slowly. Jesus, why hadn’t they done it this way before?

 

Somehow, Sharla hadn’t remembered when, they had rolled over so that Sharla was on top of Bill. She had liked that, it gave her more control and she got the impression Bill liked to see her bouncing on top of him. Now they had finished, and she was lying on top of him, smiling broadly as he slowly dragged a finger up and down her back. 

“That was nice,” she whispered.

“Mmm. It was amazing.”

“We didn’t do the lab coat thing. Or the teacher thing,” Sharla said suddenly, remembering. “We had an agenda.”

“That’s okay,” Bill said, chuckling slightly. “I liked this a lot. We can do those things next time.”

Sharla smiled again and burrowed her head into his neck. Next time. This was nice. 

“Do you need to take a shower?” Bill whispered. 

“No,” Sharla said. “It’s my house.”

“Oh. I thought you always showered after sex.”

“Nope,” Sharla said. “I didn’t want to smell like a wolf if I ran into someone on the way home from your house. That would have sparked questions, I guess.”

“Do you shower after going to the orgies?” Bill said after a moment.

“Sometimes,” Sharla admitted after a while. “I’m on the board of directors for the organization, so I can use the showers in the locker rooms---“

“There’s a _board of directors_?” Bill asked. 

Uh-oh, thought Sharla. Maybe Bill would think this was weird.

“Um, yes. The Canal District Group Sex Organization. It’s a nonprofit…”

“It’s a _nonprofit_ …?”

“Yeah,” Sharla said after a moment. “Because we also financially support people in need who are in the anonymous sex community. From the cover price of the gatherings - you know, the orgies. We call them “gatherings.” But if someone gets sick or something we can help pay their medical bills. A few years back it was mostly AIDS related stuff, but that’s happening less now, thank God.”

“I didn’t know that,” Bill said. “That’s nice.”

“Yeah,” Sharla said. 

“If I asked you to stop going to them, would you?” Bill asked after a moment, his voice sounding far away.

“What do you mean?” Sharla asked after a moment, feeling wary. 

“Like if I just wanted to see you. And I just wanted to you to see me,” Bill said after a moment, his voice quiet. 

Sharla smiled. Well that was better than him just asking her to give them up with no restrictions on his part...

“Maybe,” she said after a moment. “Not sure. I mean, I have to attend gatherings to help supervise, but you know, you could come too.”

“Hmmm,” Bill said after a moment, ruffling her hair. “It’s not scary?”

“Not really. Are you scared of the dark?”

Bill laughed. “No,” he said. “But what do you do if you want to leave? Or someone does something you don’t want to do?”

“Oh,” Sharla said. Hmm. He was maybe seriously considering this. “If anyone says “no” the people around have to stop and get help if the person keeps, you know, panicking. Some night we have ‘safe word’ nights when it’s another word, usually ‘halt’ because people can remember it. And you can wear clothes. People go into the gathering with as many clothes on as they want to keep on, or naked, obviously. So if you wanted to keep your boxers on, they would stay on.”

“Hmm,” Bill said again. “Maybe it would be fun.”

“I’d like to go with you,” Sharla said, grinning. “Show you my people. Everyone’s really nice, there’s a lot of couples, and a core group of single people.”

“Is it true that once a father realized he had been sleeping with his daughter because you can’t see anyone in there?” Bill asked after a moment. 

“Maybe,” Sharla said after a minute. “It's possible. I think it’s a legend though. We have The List, now, though.”

“What’s that?”

“You give us your real name and the names of parents and siblings and anyone else you really, really, really don’t want to sleep with and we cross-check it before everything starts. And so no family members should be in there together.”

“Isn’t that a lot of names?”

“Well,” Sharla said after a minute, “I mean, it’s all computerized so the cross-checking is quick. And the idea is not that you put people you only kind of wouldn’t want to sleep with, like all your coworkers or something. Then everyone’s lists would be really long. It’s more for parents, siblings, and if someone has been raped or abused by someone.”

“Ah,” Bill said after a moment. “Boy, that list must be –“

“Valuable,” Sharla said after a moment. “I know, it’s a real headache. We have governmental people come sometimes, and of course lots of our members are married and their spouses don’t know they’re coming…”

“Hmm,” Bill said after a minute. “I think I would like to go with you,” he said after a moment. 

Sharla grinned. 

 

\---

“And this is a picture of Toasty making some rye toast,” Sharla said, showing Bill a picture of the small robot on her computer in her bedroom. She was wearing a robe, Bill was just in his boxers. 

“Oh my gosh, it’s so cute,” Bill said laughing slightly at the little robot. “It’s too bad you gave it to Judy’s niece. I'd like to see it.”

“I know, she really made out like a bandit that birthday,” Sharla said, leaning back slightly. She turned to Bill and kissed him lightly on the cheek. 

“I’m going to use the bathroom,” she said, “but more pictures of my projects are in this album, if you want to look through it.”

“Sounds good,” Bill said, sitting down in Sharla’s desk chair as she stood up. 

Bill happily clicked through some more photos of robots of various sizes and practical uses, and stopped at one of Sharla smiling happily with Judy and Nick. They were standing next to a large pile of books, Sharla was holding a small handwritten sign saying “I Passed My Comps!” Bill grinned. Judy had her arm flung happily across Sharla’s shoulders, and Nick’s hands were in his pockets and he was endeavoring to look unaffected but he still looked quite…well, proud of Sharla. They must be pretty close, Bill realized, smiling. He wondered if maybe they would go on a double date. That could be fun---

At that moment, a small popup appeared in the right corner of the screen. An email. The subject line made Bill freeze. He got very hot, and then very cold, and checking over his shoulder to make sure Sharla wasn’t coming out of the bathroom, and hesitatingly clicked on the pop-up.

It brought up Sharla’s email. He shouldn’t, he shouldn’t…but…

TO: sharla.grassherd@ZASA.org

FROM: jcortiz@HudsonBayFunds.com 

SUBJECT: are you my fiancé or aren’t you

Sharla,

I haven’t heard from you in over a week. This is really unacceptable behavior from the woman I hope to marry one day. Are you sleeping with idiotic predators from the internet again? We talked about this. I don’t care as long as the men aren’t bright and pose no real threat to our burgeoning relationship.

In any event, I expect to go see the new Andy Shrewberg movie with you Friday night. I’ll pick you up at 6:30pm.

Love,  
J

Bill blinked. He heard the water turn off, and he quickly closed the email, was able to mark it as “unread” and spun around just as Sharla walked back in the room. 

“Um,” he said. 

“Are you hungry?” Sharla asked. “I’m starving. Want to get some dessert delivered?” she asked, flopping onto her lavender bedspread. 

“No,” Bill said, feeling slightly faint. She was engaged. Engaged! He shook his head slightly. He had asked her if she had dated anyone – what was it she had said? “Not really.” Oh, God. He knew a lot of sheep still had pseudo-arranged marriages, _and_ he knew that Judy, and by extension Sharla, came from some hick town out in the middle of nowhere. 

‘Idiotic predators’. Bill gritted his teeth.

“I have to go,” he said suddenly. “This is—this is too much. I don’t want a relationship with you, Sharla.”

“Oh,” Sharla said suddenly, sitting up and blushing. “Ah. I, um, see. I thought…”

“You were wrong,” Bill said, moving towards the door. “I’m going to go.”

“Um, well, do you still want to…”

“No,” Bill said, after a moment, the words ‘idiotic predator’ still rattling around his head. “I, um. Let's not see each other again. Have a nice life,” he said, grabbing his jeans

“Bill, this is…did I do something wrong?” Sharla asked, sounding mystified and, well, hurt.

Ugh. Half of Bill wanted to tell her she was wonderful, don’t feel bad, the other half wanted to slap her and yell at her for lying to him. 

He exhaled sharply. 

“No, it was me.” Bill said shortly, pulling on his pants and slipping on his shirt. “I just don’t want this.”

Not looking at Sharla’s face, he walked quickly out of the door, slamming it slightly behind him.


	5. The Committee Meeting and the Crystal Gem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sharla and Bill unexpectedly run into one another at the Wilde-Hopps residence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This concludes 'Severe Tornado Warning.' I love all my readers. CHECK OUT THE HOT NEW EXCERPTS OF FICS TO COME AT THE END OF THIS CHAPTER WAHOO!

Sharla stared at the wall next to her bed for a long time after Bill left.

Huh.

This hurt. 

This hurt a lot.

She sat on the bed and moodily picked up her phone, hoping to find something to numb the pain. Even Angry Meerkats would work…

Oh, an email. “Are you my fiancee or aren’t you?” was the subject line. Sharla sighed. Christ. Poor Jaguar. She opened the email. No info on what happened there, just sarcasm and asking if she wanted to see that movie on Friday…

“Well, I guess misery loves company,” she mumbled to herself, and dialed Jaguar’s number.

“Jaguar Cortiz here,” Jaguar said, sounding irritable. Well, it was Jaguar. He always sounded irritable on the phone. 

“It’s me,” Sharla said dully into the phone. “I got your email. We’re fiancees again, huh? What happened?”

“Oh, it was utterly macabre,” Jaguar said, sighing, “he was cheating on me. I walked in on him with an extremely young bear. Barely legal, probably. Heh. ‘Bear’-ly. But anyway, you know, in our bed, in our apartment. So I’ve moved out and am currently living in an extremely small and depressing furnished apartment.”

“Oh no,” Sharla sighed, kicking her hooves up underneath her and lying back on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. “I’m so sorry, Jaguar. He was an asshole, anyway.”

“And I thought, that Nick Wilde is right, we should get married and have big fucking party and adopt children and be terrible yet utterly sophisticated parents.”

“Uh-huh,” Sharla said, staring up at her ceiling. “He does like to joke about it a lot.”

“He’s been sending me these emails with hideous bridesmaid dresses and telling me that if we got married we could probably force Judy to wear something ugly.”

“He talks about our hypothetical wedding mostly to make Judy mad—“

“I know, she maintains we’ll find our soul mates, it’s hilarious.” Jaguar said, laughing slightly. “It’s going to cause a divide between them. We might actually get them to break up.”

“Oh, never,” Sharla said, rolling her eyes. “They’re disgustingly in love with each other. They’re so fucking lucky.” She paused for a minute, blinking at her ceiling. “I hate them both. Let’s murder them.”

“OK, great idea, we can do that at our wedding. Instead of the bouquet toss. The ceremonial murder of all happy couples.” 

“Sounds good,” Sharla said dully.

“How goes the pred-prey stuff?” Jaguar said after a pause.

“Ugh,” Sharla said after a long pause.

“That bad, huh?” Jaguar said sympathetically. 

“We’re pariahs,” Sharla moaned, “nothing works out for us.”

“I know, it’s disgusting. We _could_ host another big party, though, even if it’s not a wedding, we could make it wedding-themed. You know, lots of drinks and dry cake and shitty dancing. I’ll wear a tux. You can wear some white dress…I can pay; I even think I’ll be able to get even some serious cash out of Stephen if I threaten to sue him for half of what the apartment is worth.”

“You moved in with him too early,” Sharla said accusingly. 

“Are _you_ giving me relationship advice, Sharla?”

“….No,” Sharla said lamely.

“Yeah, I didn’t think so,” Jaguar said irritably. 

“Let’s go get drunk somewhere,” Sharla said after a moment, sitting up. “Please?”

“Yes, god, yes,” Jaguar said, “I’ll meet you at your place in like twenty minutes?”

“I should probably take a shower. A wolf just left here and I smell like him.”

“Jesus Christ, Sharla. Why the fuck didn’t you lead with that? You saw a wolf? How was it?”

“Utterly macabre,” Sharla said moodily. Jaguar laughed. 

“Fair enough. OK, I’ll give you 45 minutes.” 

“K,” Sharla said, hanging up the phone unceremoniously. 

Well, there was always Jaguar. And Nick and Judy. And, even though they fought a lot, Gareth was a pretty good younger brother…. She wasn't totally alone.

——————-

The next day…

Bill drummed his fingers moodily on the windowsill of the car. Why, today of all days, had Judy-Freaking-Cheerful-Hopps decided to have the Police-LGBTQ-Committee meeting over at her house for “wine, brownies, and discussion.” And only he, Bogo, and Clawhaser were even able to go. Francine and that new recruit were suddenly busy. He didn’t want to see Judy. Or Nick, who would probably be there as well. Every time he thought of either of them, he couldn’t help but think of that picture of Nick, Judy and Sharla together looking so happy and…ugh. Bill slumped down in the seat.

“Well, I can only guess the date went horribly,” Clawhauser said conversationally, looking down at him.

Bill scowled at him and gave the back of Bogo’s head a look. Bogo was driving, and Bill was starting to deeply regret allowing him and Clawhauser to give him a ride to the Hopps-Wilde residence. 

“Oh, you can talk in front of him, he’s not even listening anyway,” Clawhauser said cheerily.

Bogo grunted. 

“It…well, it was going well,” Bill admitted after a moment, “but then I was at her computer and an email pop-up came up and…well, I read it. I think she’s engaged.”

“You read her email?” Clawhauser cried, looking scandalized. 

“It popped up!” Bill protested grumpily, “the subject line was ‘are you my fiancee or aren’t you?’ What was I supposed to do?”

“Well, does it matter that she has a fiancé?” Clawhauser asked patiently.

“What? Yes!”

“Why?” Clawhauser asked patiently. “I thought you were just casually hooking up.”

“Oh shut up,” Bill grumbled. “I like-like her. You were right. And I thought…well. It was kind of…romantic, last night. We…kissed…”

“You _kissed_?” Bogo said, shocked. 

“Yeah….” Bill said, feeling idiotic. 

“On the _lips_?” Bogo continued, turning around to look at Bill at a red light, his eyebrows knotting together in concern. 

“Yeah…a lot. And we, well. Talked about how we…liked each other.”

“Huh,” Bogo said, still staring at Bill, looking mystified. 

“Honey, the light’s green,” Clawhauser said, tapping Bogo on the shoulder. 

“Well, maybe she just wanted a romantic night but just wanted to keep it casual,” Clawhauser said after a moment, “I’m sorry, Bill—“

“I don’t know,” Bogo said, interjecting. “Herd animals don’t really kiss people on the lips they don’t care about…”

“That’s a stereotype,” Clawhauser said rolling his eyes.

“I…don’t know,” Bogo said, carefully. “Did you ask her about the email?”

“No,” Bill said. “I left.”

“Could it have been a joke?” Bogo continued, turning onto the street where Nick and Judy’s apartment building was. 

“A joke?” Bill asked, frowning.

“A lot of straight girls call each other their girlfriends or fiancees or whatever,” Bogo continued, “they apparently think it’s funny. I, personally, don’t get it.”

“Honey,” Clawhauser said in a sing-song ‘be-careful’ voice, “let’s not give Bill any false hope, okay?”

“False hope? He didn’t even ask her what it meant!”

“Listen, I’m a predator—“

“And I’m a herding animal, I know we tend not to kiss on the mouth casually—“

“And _I_ know how painful it can be to be a predator interested in prey and having prey after prey eventually break up with you because they don’t want to ‘upset their parents’…”

Bill tuned them out after a while, looking out of the window and trying to block images of Sharla out of his mind. Elkton Jon's Rocket Man drifted through the radio. Ughhhh, Bill thought, sliding farther down in his seat. He loved this song. Now it made him want to vomit. Ugh.

——

 

The meeting, at least, took Bill’s mind of the Sharla predicament. They got a fair amount done, the brownies Judy made were delicious, and Nick kept wandering around filling up everyone’s wine glass when he saw anyone's glass getting empty.

After a while the meeting eventually ended and turned into a kind of…well, not a party exactly, because it was really only the five of them, but something between a meeting and a party. It was fun. Even Bogo seemed to relax slightly after the second glass of wine. 

And then, Nick’s cell phone buzzed. He glanced at it, and then looked over at Judy.

“Jaguar and Sharla want to come over and borrow that book,” Nick said lazily, texting something back.

Bill froze. Hog-u-ar, he knew was a pronunciation of the name “Jaguar.” J. The fiancee, probably. Although he wouldn’t have thought that Sharla’s bossy fiancee would be a jaguar. Hmmm.

“What book?” Judy asked, taking a sip of wine.

“That wedding-planning book your mother got us when we were engaged,” Nick said, smiling broadly.

Bill’s heart sank. He caught Clawhauser’s eye, who was looking at him sympathetically. 

“Oh, _God_ , Nick,” Judy said exasperatedly. “I wish you wouldn't encourage them. They are not going to get married.”

“Oh come on, they would make a great married couple,” Nick said, grinning at Judy and refilling Bill’s wine glass. Bill took it, trying to stop his hand from shaking slightly.

“Yeah, except Jaguar’s gay,” Judy said, rolling her eyes. Bill froze.

“Details, details,” Nick said, expansively, winking at Clawhauser. “They’re besties. They’re chronically single. They’re basically each other’s soul mates. Come on, you know it. It would be amazing. The two of them would make disastrous parents. They’d probably adopt a baby and immediately leave it in a mall.”

Bill’s heart was hammering against his chest so hard he thought he might have a heart attack. He glanced at Clawhauser, who was looking sheepishly at Bogo, who was smirking slightly and giving Clawhauser an “I-told-you-so” kind of look.

“Isn’t Jaguar dating that terrible Stephen, anyway?” Bill heard Judy grumble through the haze of his existential-crises. 

“No, he cheated on him, he walked in on them. Sharla called earlier. She had some bad experience too —“

“With another asshole on the internet, probably,” Judy muttered. Bill’s heart fell to his knees.

“And they’re planning on hosting a big wedding-themed party, anyway, to cheer themselves up,” Nick finished. He glanced up at the rest of them. “These are Judy’s friends from her childhood. They are much more successful than her - she’s a high ranking engineer at ZASA, and he is a funds manager at a hedge fund. It makes you wonder, what happened to poor Judy?” — Judy rolled her eyes at Nick, but smiled, as Nick continued, “they’re both rolling in cash, especially Jaguar, but are chronically single. So they throw amazing parties every once in a while. God, the canapés alone at the last one…”

“When will they be here?” Judy interjected, frowning.

“They’re coming from the Canal District,” Nick said easily. Judy looked mildly disapproving. Orgy, thought Bill dully. Oh God, Sharla was so wonderful. Oh God. Oh God. “But they left thirty minutes ago, so they should be here soon.”

Bill felt like he might vomit. He didn’t know what to do. Should they leave? Should he text Sharla?

“Should we leave?” Bill blurted out. “So your…friends…don’t feel awkward when we’re all here?”

“Oh,” Clawhauser said quickly, “I’d love to meet them, they sound awesome. Plus I might have some people in mind for Jaguar…” 

Bill looked blankly at Bogo, who, Bill was shocked to see, gave him a small little wink, smiling slightly. 

“Nah, stay,” Nick said easily. “Maybe they can tell you some embarrassing stories about Judy’s childhood.”

“Hah hah,” Judy said darkly.

Bill stared at his wine with a clanging heart. Oh God. What would he say to her? What must she think of him, running off like that? Why hadn’t he asked her what the email meant? Why had he clicked on it? She hadn’t read through his personal correspondence… she would be furious, probably...

And then, what felt to Bill to be just a second later - but in reality was about five minutes - Judy was opening the door and hugging a thin jaguar wearing impossibly tight black jeans and a pink button-down shirt and…then in walked Sharla.

Oh my God, Bill thought, looking at her and then looking quickly down. She looked incredible. She was wearing a red strapless dress with…what was that flap thing around the waist called? Pepper something? Peplum, he thought that was it. She looked like she had glitter on the black fur on her neck and shoulders. 

Oh my God. She looked almost...angelic... Bill trembled.

“We had a committee meeting here and now we’re just hanging out,” Judy said, as Nick wandered out to the dining room to drag in some more chairs for Sharla and Jaguar to sit in. “This is Chief Bogo, my boss, Bill Wolford, and Benjam—“

“Claws?” Jaguar interjected, leaning forward slightly and proffering a hand to Clawhauser. 

Bill caught Sharla's eye for a second. She looked surprised for a moment, and then quickly looked away.

“Jay?” Clawahuser squeaked, looking thrilled. “Your full name is Jaguar? I had no idea!” Clawhauser turned to Bogo, “Jay and I used to see each other a lot in the Queer Pred scene,” he said, as Jaguar happily grabbed a chair that Nick was brining in from another room and sat down excitedly next to Clawhauser and starting to talk animatedly about old acquaintances. 

“Here, Sharla, take this chair,” Nick said, handing Sharla a chair. “Bill, if you scoot over, Sharla can sit next to you—“

“You know, I have a bit of headache. You have some ibuprofen in your room, right Judy?” Sharla said quickly, blinking furiously, taking the chair and situating it next to Bill. 

Bill looked up at her. She looked…so sad. Oh. Bill wanted more than anything to take her in his arms and tell her he was sorry, she was wonderful… God, she smelled like sex and mammals and sweat and it was very sexy but also a little confusing because she looked so, so sad.

“Oh, you do look a bit green,” Judy said, sounding concerned. “Need help?”

“No, no, I’ll just take a pill and sit in your bedroom for a minute while it passes. Where it’s um… quiet,” Sharla said, smiling sadly at Clawhauser and Jaguar, who were now laughing uproariously about something. 

“OK,” Judy said doubtfully, as Sharla quickly walked away. 

“Judy, do we have more wine glasses?” Nick called out from the kitchen. 

Judy rolled her eyes. 

“God, Nick can’t find anything in there if it’s not sitting out directly on the corner,” she grumbled, leaping into the kitchen. 

Bill swallowed hard. 

Bogo cleared his throat and, glancing at Bill, jerked his head after Sharla. “Follow her,” he mouthed. He smiled encouragingly at him. 

Bill stood up and, feeling slightly like he was in a dream, followed Sharla. 

—-

Judy had a small vanity in her bedroom. She didn’t wear a lot of makeup or jewelry, but the small amount of these feminine items she did have were on the table in front of the mirror, next to some pill bottles: painkillers, Nick’s antidepressants, birth control, Judy’s allergy meds…

What the vanity was largely covered in was those little, 2-inch-high figurines Nick collected. They were from a television show about zoomorphic gemstones. At least, that’s what Judy said. Sharla could never tell if that was a joke or not, it sounded like a pretty strange concept for a show… Crystal gems, she thought they were called. Sharla picked up one and inspected it carefully. They were well-made…hmm... they were pretty. She put down the one she had been holding and picked up a purplish one, carefully inspecting it. 

She heard the tentative knock on the door and sighed. It was either Judy checking on her, or maybe, ugh, Bill. He probably wanted to apologize to her while maintaining that he did nothing wrong. That’s what it seemed like most of the men in her very limited experience of dating liked to do. Apologize without really apologizing. It always ended up making her feel like shit.

“Come in,” she grumbled, still facing the mirror. She looked up and saw Bill’s reflection as he peeked his head in. He slowly walked in and closed the door. She lowered her gaze to the figurines, picking up another one at random. 

She heard him quietly walk towards her and sit down on the bed. 

“What’s up?” she finally asked, tired of the anxious silence emanating from Bill. 

“I, um. I,” Bill said, sounding tentative and…frightened, almost. “I owe you an apology, Sharla…”

Sharla hesitated for a minute and then turned around. Bill had his paws clasped in front of him and was looking down at them sadly.

“It’s fine,” Sharla said after a moment. “I mean,” she said, shrugging slightly, wishing her voice didn’t sound so shaky and soft, “we never said we were doing anything but casually sleeping together.”

“Sharla,” Bill said softly, then clearing his throat. God, she loved it when he said her name. When she heard it is was like a little electrical current running up her spine. And the last time, when he had said her name over and over while he came, he had sounded so intense, like he was begging her for something...Sharla had loved it so much she had felt like she was floating. 

“God, you look so beautiful,” Bill muttered, exhaling deeply and scratching the back of his head with one paw.

Anger suddenly flared up in Sharla.

“Good God, Bill, you are _not_ hitting on me, right now, are you?” she snapped.

“No, no,” Bill said quickly. “I mean. Well.”

Sharla rolled her eyes and considered leaving when something Bill said made her frown and look at him right in the eyes.

“I thought you were engaged,” Bill said, blurting it out quickly, so it sounded like one extremely long and painful-to-pronounce word.

“What?” Sharla asked, frowning.

Bill coughed slightly and looked down. 

“When…when you were in the bathroom and I was looking at your computer?” 

Sharla nodded at Bill to continue. 

“Well, a pop-up of an email showed up on your desktop…and I could see the subject line and it said, ‘are you my fiancee or not’ and…well, I…I read it.”

Sharla blinked very fast. Her heart seemed to alternate between beating very fast and altogether skipping beats.

“You read my email?” she asked, frowning. Bill winced.

“I know. It was…it was wrong. But…I thought you had been lying to me…”

“So you thought a quick invasion of privacy was the best way to solve the problem?” Sharla hissed, her eyes flashing behind her glasses. 

Bill sighed deeply and looked harder at the floor. 

“Well, it happened pretty quickly, but yes, I guess so,” he mumbled. “And…well, there was a crack in there about ‘dumb’ predators or something and I thought…I thought you had told your fiancee about me and were kind of. Laughing at me, for not being very, you know. Smart.”

Oh. He was sensitive about that, Sharla remembered. Something in her chest expanded and part of her wanted to take him and tell him that she thought he was smart, she thought he was wonderful, but another part of her wanted to slap him across his annoyingly-sad-looking face. 

Without even really thinking about it, she grabbed one of Nick’s crystal gem figurines and pelted it at Bill’s chest. 

It easily bounced off of his chest and landed on the carpet. Bill looked at it, surprised. 

“I hadn’t even told Jaguar or Judy or anyone about you! They just think I always go out with idiots! Why didn’t you just _ask_ me about the email then?” Sharla cried, feeling her eyes welling up with tears. Oh, God. Great. Now she was going to cry. Her body was always so cooperative…

“I…should have. I’m sorry,” Bill said, looking at her sadly. He picked up the figurine and looked at it sadly. 

“I really, really, like you, Sharla,” he whispered. “I want to be with you.”

Sharla started crying. 

Bill didn’t move. He didn’t know if he should touch her, if he should talk to her, if he should quietly excuse himself, so he stared blankly at her, feeling stupid. 

“I want…I want to be with you too, Bill,” Sharla choked out between sobs. Bill blinked.

“C’mere,” Bill whispered, gathering Sharla up in his arms and holding her tightly to him. “It’s okay, it’s okay. I’m sorry this was so…crazy…” he murmured into her ear. “Last night… was so wonderful, I loved being with you, I loved talking with you, I loved fucking you, I loved learning about Toasty, I loved—“

Sharla kissed him. When they broke apart she adjusted herself so she was straddling Bill. She could feel him getting harder underneath him. She wiped away her tears and took a shaky breath. 

“We should go on a real date,” Bill whispered. Sharla shut her eyes, leaned her head against his chest, and smiled. “And talk. You’d…you’d date a predator? You could…you know, tell your parents?” His voice was getting softer and deeper. Mmmm. 

Sharla sighed happily and nodded. 

“And you would date me?” she whispered. “A little sheep who goes to orgies?”

“God, Sharla, I want to date you so hard,” Bill said quietly, laughing slightly and kissing her again. “I want to attend all the orgies with you. I want to be there as you get fucked from all over.”

“Mmm," Sharla sighed, "we _should_ go on a real date,” Sharla whispered, leaning against Bill’s chest. “Right now. Oh. I was at a gathering earlier, do you want me to clean up first—“

“No, God, it’s so fucking hot,” Bill breathed into her neck. “I can smell all the mammals who fucked you tonight, you’re so, so sexy,” he shuddered slightly, running his paws up and down the sides of her dress, “and I’m going to take you out and hopefully, after that I'll get to take you home and fuck you too...”

“Didn’t…didn’t you say you wanted to go down on someone at a party?” Sharla whispered to him. Bill froze. “Over chat? This isn’t quite a _party_ , but it’s still pretty close.”

“Oh my God,” Bill said, chuckling slightly into her neck and holding her slightly tighter than before. “You want me to go down on you on Nick and Judy’s bed? After coming from an orgy?” 

“Mmm, yes, I would be amenable to that,” Sharla murmured.

“God, you’re the perfect woman,” Bill whispered, flipping her over so she was lying on the bed and grabbing the bottom of her dress with his teeth. 

“I think you underestimate how many women would be comfortable getting spontaneous cunnilingus,” Sharla murmured, smiling slightly as Bill continued to work her dress farther up her legs.

She wasn’t wearing underwear. He moaned thickly through the dress in his mouth when he discovered her exposed pussy; seeing her piercing, smelling her, finally pushing her dress up around her waist and spreading her legs out on the bed. 

“Oh,” Sharla said, suddenly sitting up slightly. 

“Mmm?” Bill asked, not taking his eyes off of her pussy.

“Um,” Sharla said, embarrassed. “It might taste bad. The lubricant on the condoms from the orgy doesn’t taste very good…”

“Oh, it’ll taste wonderful, believe me,” Bill whispered throatily before nudging her clit with his nose. Sharla gasped. 

“Hmm,” Bill said, kissing her and flicking her piercing back and forth with his tongue, “I don’t think I want you to come.” 

Sharla moaned. 

“Mmm, that’s right,” Bill said, laughing slightly. “I want to make you wait for it. After our first, nice, real date. Then you can decide whether or not to put out.”

“Oh God,” Sharla panted.

Bill was in heaven. Sharla was so wet, so perfect, and Bill could smell all the other mammals that had had her tonight. Bill could smell an elephant, a tiger, a fox, another wolf — oddly enough, he felt a slight and unexpected rush of jealousy at that — at least two weasels…and yet _he_ got to take her out to dinner and got to sleep with her with the lights on. She wanted _him_. He grinned and glanced up at Sharla, who - his heart skipped a beat - was biting her lower lip and looking down at him. He shook himself when their eyes met. God, he wouldn’t be able to contain himself for much larger if they kept this up.

He stood up quickly, heard Sharla moan her disapproval at him stopping, wiped off his mouth with the back of his paw and pulled her up from the bed.

She panted slightly as he smoothed out her dress. 

“Come on,” he growled into her ear. “I’m taking you to dinner.”

—-

“Bill and Sharla have been gone for a long time,” Judy said, frowning slightly. “What is going on? How long does it take to get some medicine?”

“I think they’re fine,” Bogo said, smiling slightly and taking another sip of wine. Clawhauser and Jaguar were in the kitchen, ostensibly grabbing another bottle of wine but giggling like schoolchildren. 

“Maybe they’re hitting it off,” Nick said, shrugging slightly. 

“Bill?” Judy said, frowning slightly. “And Sharla? Hmm…”

At that, they heard the bedroom door swing open. Bill and Sharla entered the living room a moment later.

Bogo smiled to himself. Sharla’s hair was definitely more rumpled than it had been when she had entered the apartment, and Bill was looking exceptionally pleased with himself. 

“Um,” Bill said after a moment, while Sharla blushed and giggled slightly. 

“We’re going out to get something to eat,” Bill said, grinning. “Bogo or Clawhauser can fill you in—“

“What?” Sharla asked. Bill smiled and shrugged. 

“I told them about it,” Bill said, “You know.”

Sharla smiled and took Bill’s hand. 

“All right, well see you later,” Bill said, waving at them and giving Bogo a little wink. The two of them turned around and left the apartment, Bill’s hand on Sharla’s lower back. 

A silence hung over the room for a few minutes after they left, Judy and Nick gaping at the door.

“I think I'm just going to go wash the sheets in there,” Nick said after a moment, carefully standing up and heading down the hallway.

—-

Post-Script

Did you enjoy _Severe Tornado Warning_? Then be sure to check out these two upcoming Bill and Sharla stories by Shlomo! And these two stories have 100% more Nick and Judy for all your Wilde Hopping needs! (Available in about a week, wherever fan fiction is hosted! Just kidding, they will only be available on Ao3. Tell your friends!) Excerpts below!

 

\--  
_Spin The Bottle_

“I just don’t understand how the two of you can have a threesome with Jaguar and not even ask us once for a foursome!” Judy cried suddenly, throwing down her fork in her plate of spaghetti. 

Bill froze, his forkful of spaghetti halfway to his mouth. He glanced over at Sharla, who looked similarly mystified. 

“You…what? Want to have a foursome with us?” Sharla asked, confused. 

“Well, maybe not a _foursome_ , exactly, but it would be nice to be asked!” Judy grumbled, taking a gulp of water. “You think I’m unattractive, don’t you? Just a stupid, prudish bunny?”

Bill looked at Nick, who, looking slightly terrified, shrugged slightly. 

“This is the first I’m hearing about this,” Nick muttered. 

“You’re adorable,” Sharla said, sounding confused. “You think we think you’re unattractive? You’re so cute!”

“Yeah?” Judy asked, perking up a bit, but still looking dejected. “I just feel so left out of all your cool sexy adventures.”

“I would have fun sexy adventures with you,” Sharla said, shrugging. “I mean. Depending on what the adventure is, I guess?”

“We could play spin-the-bottle,” Nick said dryly, smiling slightly. “Like teenagers.”

“That is a good idea!” Judy cried. 

“Oh. I was kidding,” Nick said.

“Games are a pretty traditional way for friends to transition into group sex,” Sharla said, nodding knowledgeably. “It can ease tension. Because there are set rules and expectations.”

“What?!” Nick said, looking from Sharla to Bill, “Bill, who exactly are you dating?!"

—-

_The Wedding Vows_

“Nick, I’m really supposed to be helping Sharla get ready,” Judy said, exasperatedly fiddling with the blue sash on her dress. “What is it?”

“Um,” Nick said after a minute. “You didn’t happen to see their wedding vows in the car, did you? Or, um, you know, the ceremony instructions?”

“What?” Judy asked, still concentrating on her dress. “No, they’re in your suitcase.”

“Are they?” Nick asked after a moment. 

Judy froze. And then very slowly raised her head to look at Nick. 

“You _didn’t_ ,” she whispered. 

“Well,” Nick said sheepishly. “They’re not here…so that means…heh…they’re back in Zootopia….”

“Nick, you’re officiating this Sharla and Bill’s wedding in an hour and you _just realized_ you don’t have your notes or instruction for the ceremony?!"

“Boy,” Nick said, coughing quietly, “I bet the Universal Life Online Church would be pretty disappointed in me right now.”

“Stop joking around! This is their _wedding_! What are you going to do?” Judy hissed. 

“Well,” Nick said, taking a breath and looking dramatically over at the horizon, “I’ll wing it, I guess.”


End file.
